|Do your friends call you "Twigs"?
Are you always Designated Sensible Elf watching the horses while everybody else is hunting Orcs?
Is the main part of your job fishing Mallorn leaves out of somebody's bird bath?
Are you 4200 years old and the best you managed in terms of dating so far was playing "spin the arrow" at your baby brother's birthday party back when you were 137?
If the answer to the above questions is "YES", then it is high time you visit our shop and learn all about
|Discover now POWER TWELF - the brand-new multi-vitamine-power-food for Elves just like you! Bulk up without working out! Get yourself a body to last for millenia! Become the envy of the neighbourwood!
Our guarantee: 30 days from now you'll feel like an Elven King or you'll get your money back! ***
|H.* from L. ** tells us his story of success:
"I can't thank you enough! POWER TWELF has changed my life completely! For millennia, I was the target of practical jokes by my brothers, but those days are over! Now I'm the big poombah and they have to follow my orders! And I got promoted, too - I used to spend my days polishing the tableware, now I'm captain of the guard! Before POWER TWELF, my love-life was non-existent - now this Talan is smoking, guys! Thank you - THANK YOU!"
We can verify H's amazing story with the following pictures - taken before he discovered POWER TWELF and 30 days later, after taking his daily dose of POWER TWELF:
|Don't delay - buy today!
TWELF - The Food of a New Age!
Exclusively at "Elf on a Shelf" (only as long as stocks last)
* Name changed to protect the innocent
** Place changed to avoid tourism
*** Refunds are made in naturals. If you should not be happy with this product, you will get a free cucumber mask.
(Or Hobbit. Human. Whatever.)
ADVICE AND GUIDANCE
"The Young Elf's Handbook" - A guide to courting and wooing.
Animated music videos ("Lord of the Dance", "The Singing Legolas") and more
ELF ON A SHELF UNIVERSE
Staff / Erestor's biography and photo album / Last Homely Gallery / Ballad of Fin, the Balrog Slayer and more
BEAUTY, HEALTH-CARE, HOBBY AND RECREATION
Photomanipulations, Elf-Ads etc.
Elrond, Haldir, Legolas, Elves, Orlando Bloom Gallery, Midsomer Murders, Graham Norton, TLR. Pirates of the Caribbean, Hugo Weaving
Archive for all Lord of the Rings-related articles I wrote.
THINGS YOU SENT US
Official Magic Rat fanlisting
Now you, too, can
INCREASE YOUR SIZE!