Cherished customers

As some of you might already know, the kingdom of MPAA is having young Balrogs over the use of their rating system and sends out C & D letters to unfortunate website owners:

MPAA BEING RIDICULOUS

We suspect that this might be some cunning plan to fight the unemployment rate in Mordor. Just think how many people they will have to hire to send out C & D letters to every single website using their rating system! And the costs for the postage! Will we see Esquire, Esquire and Esquire doing barbershop singing on the streets of Gondor to finance this?

However, we applaude the MPAA's efforts to punish people for trying to keep Elflings away from reading inappropriate material. That is the spirit! Must be those new moral values everybody is talking about... who knows, maybe Master Erestor will allow me to read "Elf Maid Monthly" in public in future?

But I digress.

A rating system is a tricky thing -  proper warnings are far more important than categorising a website or a tale as suitable for a certain age group. And the "parental guidance" part always looked rather silly to me, anyway  - how many Elflings do you know who would ask their mothers to read tales of a frivolous nature with themů? This aside: if you have Elflings, it is your duty to watch over them. It is part of being a parent. If you let your 10 year old sit alone in front of the computer, you need a serious spanking. A computer is not a babysitter. Period.

We also strongly disagree with those who insist that even the most harmless content shall have a high rating just because the featuring characters are in love and of the same gender. Love between consenting adults is a wonderful thing, and we refuse to bow to anybody's bigotry. This is our place, and that is the way things are done here. If you do not like this policy, visit another realm.

Or, as Lord Amaris so nicely put it: "Go suck a lemon".

The following solution will hopefully make all involved happy. As Lord Glorfindel is not bright enough to memorise illogical groups of letters, we went for colours, and we hope you will find this new rating system helpful while browsing "ELF ON A SHELF", which has an overall rating of green/blue.

And now please excuse me, it is time for my daily Lindir-bothering.

Respectfully yours,

Master Feronil
advisor
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EOAS RATING SYSTEM:

GREEN:
story suitable for each, all and everybody, all age groups

BLUE:
subtle innuendo (sexuality and/or violence), teens

YELLOW:
explicit innuendo (sexuality and/or violence), older teens

ORANGE:
descriptions of intimate sexual acts and/or description of violent acts, older teens/adults

RED:
(Much to Master Feronil's regret, this website does NOT contain such stories)
graphic descriptions of sexual and/or violent acts, adults of legal age only