|NO LUCK WITH THE LADIES?
NO HUGS AND KISSES FOR YOU?
WE CAN HELP!
|You have worked hard on your career.
You are successful in your job.
A force to be reckoned with.
Respected by your minions.
Feared by your enemies.
The left hand of your master.
You have it all - power, intelligence and a nice helmet. But you do not have the one thing you long for the most: love.
Why do the ladies prefer unwashed rangers?
Why do they rather comb an Elf's hair than massage your feet?
We know you have asked yourself these questions many times, and now we can give you the answer:
First impressions are important. A blinding smile showing your pearly white fangs will win you hearts within seconds.
Elfwine Inc., the famous manufacturers of beauty-products from Rohan, are very proud to present you with the latest result of science:
(Or Hobbit. Human. Whatever.)
ADVICE AND GUIDANCE
"The Young Elf's Handbook" - A guide to courting and wooing.
Animated music videos ("Lord of the Dance", "The Singing Legolas") and more
ELF ON A SHELF UNIVERSE
Staff / Erestor's biography and photo album / Last Homely Gallery / Ballad of Fin, the Balrog Slayer and more
BEAUTY, HEALTH-CARE, HOBBY AND RECREATION
Photomanipulations, Elf-Ads etc.
Elrond, Haldir, Legolas, Elves, Orlando Bloom Gallery, Midsomer Murders, Graham Norton, TLR. Pirates of the Caribbean, Hugo Weaving
Archive for all Lord of the Rings-related articles I wrote.
THINGS YOU SENT US
Official Magic Rat fanlisting
|ELFSHINE (c) by Elfwine Inc. is the fang-whitener you have been waiting for all your life. It contains only natural ingredients, and the Mithril-particles will remove even stains left from alcohol, tea and Hobbits.
Use twice daily, and within two weeks, you will see the difference:
|ELFSHINE - because success starts with a smile!|
|Warnings: Elfshine may not be used if you have the habit of regularly eating rangers. The result could be stomach aches, cramps, flatulence and possible loss of head. Please do not use if you suffer from parodontitis, heartburn or hangnails. Do not use if you are pregnant or on your way to battle. Elfwine Inc. is not liable for any consequences resulting from the use of this product. But who cares - no risk, no fun!|