Summary: Congratulations, you got twins! – Elrond is tired, Celeborn in the best of moods, Galadriel tries her skills at Feng-Shui and Orophin shows amazing talents – Elrond writes to Coolaulin
ROCKABYE BABY
"Hush, Elrohir, don't say a word.
Ada's gonna buy you a brand new sword
And if that brand new sword won't sting,
Ada's gonna give you an Elven ring
And if that elven ring won't work,
Ada's gonna buy you a plush toy Orc
And if you now won't FINALLY sleep
Ada will sure break down and weep
But also if poor ada breaks down
You'll be one of the two sweetest elflings in town"
Traditional Noldorian Lullaby
"My dear Coolaulin
Finally I find a minute to retreat to my study and send you a few lines. Ever since our beautiful twins Elladan and Elrohir were born, life has become even more hectic around here, and now that my parents-in-law are here for a visit, Imladris has definitely become the Least Homely House ...
It's not that I'm complaining, mind you. But it would be nice to sleep for only one night through without being disturbed four times because one of our beloved sons is crying for milk, change of nappies or reasons we don't know. The nursery is two floors up from my study, and I can still hear both of them very clearly. Elrohir will, without a doubt, become a well-known minstrel one day, judging by his voice.
We have tried every single remedy in the scrolls: singing to them, rubbing their backs, feeding them honey, talking soothingly – nothing worked. Erestor suggested we should just ignore the noise and keep on sleeping, which is what he does, of course, and I don't even dare to mention Glorfindel's advise to move the babies to the stables and let them sing to the horses. First we would never even consider this and second there is no place in the stables, anyway.
The fact that we still can't really tell the two apart is not helping, either. I always worry we might feed one twice and forget the other. The other day Erestor suggested that we write the first letter of each elfling's name on their cots, which we did, but it didn't work. Sometimes I wonder if Erestor is really as skilled an advisor as I thought him to be …
Celebrian has turned to pretend that she's sleeping deeply when the nightly concert starts. Which means I have to put on my robes and run down to the kitchen to warm the milk, run three stairs up to the nursery, change them, feed them, and change them again, while she is happily snoring into her pillow.
The faster I teach them to say "nana", the better.
But anyway. Four days ago, Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel have arrived to see their grand sons. Celeborn was absolutely delighted, and as a present, he brought a monumental statue for the garden, crafted by one of the most skilled artists in Lothlorien.
The group is called "Frolicking Elf Maidens by the Pond feeding grapes to their Lord", and it's really an amazing work of art. Anatomically correct, in every aspect. Erestor spent the afternoon covering various bits and pieces with mallorn leaves, as he felt my sons should not yet be confronted with the facts of life.
I caught Glorfindel peeking behind a leaf when I went for a stroll in the garden, and all he said was that "tall grow the trees in Lórien". Whatever that means.
My wife told her mother all about the sleeping trouble of our sons, and Galadriel immediately came to the conclusion that this was due to unhealthy radiation coming from the ground underneath our house, penetrating the floor and bringing the babies evil dreams. I tried to point out that, as mentioned, the nursery was on the third floor, but I was ignored, as usual, and then Galadriel and Celebrian decided the furniture had to be rearranged to allow the good vibes to flow. "Elrond", Galadriel said, "how can you expect the spirits of the woods to float through these rooms and bring sweet dreams to your sons when they bump their heads on your bookshelves when they fly through?"
So the very next day, they moved the babies to my study while they rearranged the nursery. As Erestor refused to touch them and Glorfindel said he wouldn't risk having his best robe ruined because one of my sons got sick all over it (which is ridiculous and only happened twice, anyway), I had to feed them and sing them to sleep in turns.
No work got done that day, and also not the next, because while they were at rearranging, Galadriel decided the arrangement of the rooms was also unhealthy for the twins, so they started to move the bedroom to the nursery, the nursery to the guestroom and the guestroom to the bedroom, and my wife was delighted, "look, beloved husband," she said, "now we not only have a nursery and a bedroom, but also a guestroom!"
I decided I needed a glass of wine.
In the kitchen I met Celeborn who was telling the kitchen maidens a colourful lore about a dangerous encounter he had had with a dragon some years ago, an encounter which I have slightly different memories of, for if I am not mistaken, Glaugol the dragon had died of old age just when Celeborn stormed into his cave, but I decided to let it slip.
The maidens were impressed, but when Celeborn started to remove his tunic to show the scars he supposedly gained in this battle, I thought it was about time to interrupt, shoo off the staff and took him to the side to talk about my parental problems.
He told me not to worry; this was just the way things were. The mother of his three most loyal march wardens had once told him that she had spent a good bit of every day just gazing at Orophin after he was born. When Haldir came along, she had spent a bit of every day watching to make sure Orophin wasn't poking or squeezing him. And ever since Rúmil has come along, she spends a fair share of her day hiding from her children.
With this he laughed and poured himself another glass of wine. I sighed and said I'd give the best horse from my stable for only one night of sleep.
Celeborn suggested I should sleep in the stable then. Sometimes I really hate him.
The above-mentioned Orophin is here as well, he's a member of Celeborn's guard. A skilled warrior, no doubt, but he always looks at me as if he would muse how my head would look like served on a plate with an apple in my mouth and some parsil in my ears. Also, he's opening the Miruvor bottles with his teeth.
Last night, our twins ran up to new heights. Elladan was asleep for a change, but Elrohir had obviously decided to break his own record, and when he, after four hours, still didn't show any signs of falling asleep, but had turned the colour of my best red wine, I grabbed him and carried him down to the kitchen, to prepare him a bottle of milk and make sure he wouldn't wake up the rest of the house.
Much to my surprise, Orophin was in the kitchen as well, hunting cockroaches with bow and arrow. As I mentioned before, he's ... different.
I said my greetings, and he growled. It was a friendly growl, so I thought it safe to turn my back at him, poured some milk in a pan and tried to start a fire, all the time holding the screaming baby.
Suddenly, Orophin stood beside me, growled something and reached out for the baby. I guessed he meant to take the little one while I prepared the milk. Now, I don't tend to give my son away to strangers, but I was desperate, so I handed Elrohir over to our guest.
The very second Orophin held Elrohir, the baby stopped crying. The silence in the kitchen was spooky, and I feared the little one had finally fainted from exhaustion, so I took him back again.
Elrohir started to scream immediately.
I handed him back to Orophin.
Quiet. The baby even giggled.
I tested this about ten times. I held the baby: screaming, shouting, crying. Orophin held the baby: giggling, smiling, cooing.
What can I say.
Celeborn has my best horse.
We have a new nanny.
Always yours
Elrond"
Author's notes:
1. "Coolaulin" is Gaelic for "Beautiful Hair", and just happens to be the name of my hair conditioner which I buy at "Lush" and can only recommend.
2. Thanks to Charmanderet and The Encyclopedia of Arda even this orc here knows now when Elladan and Elrohir were born. "Early third age" wasn't a bad guess, though. Oh - and Elladan is the firstborn (I prefer the name Elrohir, though. I must discuss with Elrond how comes that he doesn't even know which of his sons was born first, though ...