DID YOU JUST CALL ME "MITZI"? MASTER ELROND'S LETTERBOX Letters he wrote - letters he received Collected by Master Erestor, with friendly support of Lord Glorfindel and two bottles of Miruvor
	The following letter, received shortly after the fellowship set off from Rivendell, shades some light on Legolas’ possible motivations to volunteer for the quest... Hen-pecked husband A letter to Elrond from Mirkwood Lord Elrond! I have received your note, and I am most displeased with your answer. I hope you are aware that I am writing to you not only for myself, but also on behalf of His Royal Highness, Thranduil the Exceptional and Impressive, Most Splendid Ruler of Mirkwood, King by the Valar’s Grace, Ruler of 2000 Years, etc. etc. etc., who just happens to be my much-beloved father in law. I herewith formally protest against your support of my husband’s foolish undertakings! What do I care about rings and quests and Halflings – it is I who has to bear the consequences of Legolas’ midlife-crisis, I and our 7 children! How could you allow him to go on this quest and neglect his duties here at home! Do you think Mirkwood runs all by itself? The Orcs are getting restless, the drain is clogged and with my mother’s upcoming visit I need every helping hand I can get! I am well aware that this whole quest and “we must save Middle Earth” doom saying of yours is nothing but a lame excuse for my husband to hang around with this uncivilized human fosterling of yours and to get drunk. I was even told that he was seen in the company of a dwarf, and befriended a wizard of questionable descend and past! A dwarf! That I have to live to see this! Have you ever considered what this will do to our family’s reputation? What will the neighbours say? Bad news travels fast, and I am not amused at the prospect of becoming the laughing stock of Mirkwood as the “wife of the Dwarf friend”. To think that you, an Elf-lord, gave your blessing to this madness – have you no shame left? What do we have to brace ourselves for next – half-naked Hobbit-women dancing on the tables in Rivendell? I should have listened to my mother - “Never marry a Mirkwood-elf”, she said, “take one from the Golden Wood; they know how to obey their wives - just look at Lord Celeborn!” In my position as future queen of Mirkwood and wife of Prince Legolas I might not say this, but by now I seriously believe I’d been better off if I’d married Haldir, captain of the guards in Lórien – if his brothers hadn’t broken the door and kidnapped him the day before the wedding I’d be a much happier Elf today. Having said all this, I herewith formally demand that my husband is returned to me I-M-M-E-D-I-A-T-E-L-Y. There is a realm to rule, children are there who must be looked after, the main hall needs to be re-painted, and my mother insists on her daily foot massage. Respectfully yours Xanthypiel Princess of Mirkwood, much-beloved wife of His Royal Highness, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, much-beloved daughter-in-law of His Royal Highness, Thranduil the Exceptional and Impressive, Most Splendid Ruler of Mirkwood, King by the Valar’s Grace, Ruler of 2000 Years, etc. etc. etc.