|Music and Performance: Lindir's Lindon 5
Lyrics: Master Erestor, despite constantly being interrupted by Lord Glorfindel
CLICK HERE to hear the tune and sing along
(Ai! May the Valar have mercy!)
Born in a Talan down in Gondolin
Was the blondest hero you've ever seen
He talked to the birds and he hugged every tree
And he killed his first Orc back when he was only three!
Fin the Balrog-slayer, the Elf all Orcs do fear! (Chorus)
"Glorfindel" was our valiant hero's name
Admired and loved by many a pretty dame
Tall and handsome and a charming ladies' elf
He got his first proposal back when he was only twelve!
Fin the Balrog-slayer, the ladies hold him dear! (Chorus)
Back in the first age, when The Evil arose
He was bravely fighting all of Gondolin's foes
But just when he hew down an Orc and dodged his mace
He stared right in a giant Balrog's very ugly face!
Fin the Balrog-slayer, he felt his end was near! (Chorus)
They fought so long and they fought so hard
Then Fin stabbed his sword right into the demon's heart
But the Balrog grabbed Fin's braids when he finally fell
And dragged poor Fin along with him! Ai what a sad, sad tale!
Fin the Balrog-slayer, this was the end of his career! (Chorus)
Fin found himself sitting soon in Mandos' Halls
He met quite a few of his fellow warrior pals
But after centuries of listening to Ereinion's lore
He finally decided that the High King was a bore...
Fin the Balrog-slayer, really did not like it there! (Chorus)
Fin went to Mandos and he said: "Old friend
It can't be that my adventures shall find such a lamer's end!
Please send me back! This here is worse than hell!"
"OK" the Vala said, and Fin was sent to Rivendell ...
Fin the Balrog-slayer, is back, now let's all cheer! (Chorus)
From tavern to tavern Fin is now marching on
Making up balloony tales and singing many a song
He loves to fight and he knows the rights and wrongs
With exception of the notes in his slippery tavern songs!
Fin the Balrog-slayer, his singing we do fear! (Chorus)
So we have reached the end of this long tale
Dedicated to the biggest rogue in Rivendell
Fin's ego is the biggest and his kisses are the best
You all know about the first - and the latter I'll attest ...!
Fin the Balrog-slayer, we all hold him so dear!
* * *
Author's note: this is a spoof of a spoof – "Fin the Balrog-Slayer" is very, very losely inspired by "Ballad of Davy Crew-Cut" by Homer and Jethro, which was a novelty song after Bob Hayes "Ballad of Davy Crockett":
"Born in a taxi cab in Tennessee, the slowest cab that you ever did see …"